Congratulate her.

I didn’t want to make this about women. Because just about everyone we see everyday is working hard to create something. But lately some women in my life have just been hitting the ball out of the park. They’re amazing, and I don’t think they get enough credit, and more importantly, women do not encourage women. Women tend to be not only self deprecating, but also more judgemental of other women than they are of men. We have inherent biases that keep us from congratulating, and really truly and vocally encouraging other women in our lives.

 

So today, I am congratulating all of them. The “hers” in my life that inspired this post. Without specifically naming them, lest I divulge something that they didn’t wish should be posted online, and also for fear of forgetting any one of the “hers”; I will simply be alluding to them and what I think is so great about them. In an era where we are very obviously regressing in this great country, voting into power someone who is not only openly disrespectful toward us, but undoubtedly will take measures to make our lives more difficult than they already are as women, I think we, and our supportive male allies are our biggest hope for progress.

 

To the ones who are successfully running their own businesses – taking what they love to the next level – animals, food, photography, writing. You are bringing what you love, to others in your own unique light – organizing workshops  to engage people, doing interviews with people for projects that you’ll eventually release and will be a raging success, writing to engage children, getting children to engage with abused animals, sharing your recipes for food and for success – you are doing wonders for the human race using things that you love. You are brave to do this, and to not stick with something that only gets you a steady paycheck without nurturing your soul. Take that, and run with it onto braver things!

 

To the ones who are pursuing degrees or studying for a milestone exam – You are working hard, and it is visible. You have voiced how LONG you have been doing this, and you’re ready for it to be over. It will be over. Soon. And you’ll emerge victorious ;), brave, and successful, and you’ll have that job or that degree, and it’ll be amazing. Just brave on, a little more. You can do it. You’re amazing.

 

To the ones who are teaching – I can think of noone more qualified mentally and emotionally to impart wisdom to the next generation. (Old, much?) Yours is a difficult job, and one that you do well. Yours is the most valuable role in society. It shames me to think that all I do all day is sit at a computer writing code that will only ever so slightly REALLY impact a living, breathing soul in a meaningful way.

 

To those getting married as I write this 😉 – The wedding is for others, the marriage is for you. You have been so much more patient, accepting, and loving throughout the preparations than I was for my wedding. You are so involved, and you want to make everyone happy. That is f*cking EXHAUSTING, and you are doing an amazing job. I wish I had your strength, your beauty, and your grace. I hope your weddings are wonderful, and I hope your marriages are STELLAR!

 

To women in tech – Much as I love and support you, I think there is enough material about you already. So I am leaving you out of this one. This is about the non #femgineers in my life who are beyond amazing, and we do not talk about enough.

 

For those people who have talked insecurities with me, and I have shared mine with them. It is hard to remember how superbly wonderful you are in ALL other facets of life, than the one you’re insecure about, when you’re feeling like crap. But every time you find yourself engrossed in that one small slice of the pie, come back to this post, and remember that someone thinks that you are successful, wonderful, beautiful, and LOVED. AND you are drop dead gorgeous! Nobody’s life is what it appears on social media, and everyone wishes they had something that YOU have. So, walk like that, talk like that, and BE that way!

 

To all these amazing girls – your work, your choices, your souls, – a pinch of each one, blended together is a beautiful seasoning that makes you your own unique form of rare. So even though I just made you sound like a well seasoned steak, I think every one of you is a wonderful human being, acing all walks of life, and breathing life into a race that is slowly and surely writing itself off to technology and bad voting decisions. I congratulate you, and I thank you for being my friends!

 

Let’s break up on January 1st.

Let me warn you, I’m about to unleash some serious anger here. I heard the stupidest thing on the radio this morning on the way to work. The exact facts as to whether this was a study that was conducted whose results were being aired, or it was some unfortunate by-product of the radio show’s work itself, have escaped me because there wasn’t enough coffee in my blood stream at the time.

Now, let me cover my behind (because after all I am in a place where you can be sued for breathing in oxygen and breathing out carbon dioxide if it comes to it):

I actually do love this show ,

They usually have good things to say,

This post is purely my opinion and mine alone ,

Now that that’s done, let’s be on our way.

(Umm.. I’m a poet and I kinda know it.)

Here is what it said today:

The worst time to break up with your significant other is in the Fall.

Why ? Here are some of the reasons that my coffee deprived brain can recollect –

1. The Holidays are coming up. (You don’t want to go to all those family gatherings by yourself now, do you ? )

2. You need someone to kiss on New Year’s eve.

3. A lot of High School reunions are in the Fall. (You don’t want to be going solo to those !)

 

Is your mercury rising ? Mine sure did.

There are just so many things wrong here . Let’s do this step by step –

How selfish is this!? You want to break up with someone, and you really want to use them because ’tis the season’, show them off to the lesser mortals that attend said reunion to ‘catch up’,  kiss them on New Year’s Eve, and come January 1st deliver your beautifully wrapped, carefully planned, perfectly timed kick in the stomach ? Genius! You can take your pumpkin cheesecake, and stuff it.

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What is wrong with being alone ? (Don’t worry. I am not single and bitter with 12 cats, but yes I do spend most of my time alone because my significant other is geographically separate at this time) . I have a huge problem with the fact that we are led to believe that alone equals sad and lonely. No. Why not alone equals confident and secure enough to go out and socialize by herself/himself ? What is wrong with facing a group of people alone? I see nothing wrong with that. You can’t expect to always have someone accompany you somewhere. I know all this is easier said than done, and just yesterday I was being whiny with all my friends for not coming to a wine tasting with me. But, I take issue with the fact that people and media are constantly reinforcing the fact that there is something fundamentally wrong in being alone. So much so, that it’s easier to settle, and be with the ‘wrong’ person, only because being alone is the only other option. Screw that! Be alone for a while! Get to know yourself, love yourself! Only then can you expect others to love you!

Are you really that insecure, that uncomfortable in your own skin, that you alone are not good enough ? And mind you, I mean you alone are not good enough for yourself ? You can only feel what you let others let you feel. So if someone whose been married 10 long ‘happy’ years decides that you are sad and lonely because you showed up solo to the reunion, sure, that is true, as long as you agree with them and let yourself feel so! Or, you could show up looking like your gorgeous and successful Teflon self, and let that roll off you – because that is who you decided you are – just you. Not you and your ‘better’ half.

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I do admit that all this is really difficult and confidence takes a lot of work. But I think it’s pretty crappy to spread the message that it’s okay to ‘hold on’ to someone for a semester because you’re too dark and twisty to go to a party alone. Don’t be selfish. Grow a pair. Even if it’s the Fall, end it. And, it is difficult to go to a party alone. So if you can’t, it’s okay. Don’t go if you don’t want to face all those ‘happy’ couples. Take your time. Spend time with yourself until it feels okay again. You are not that difficult to be around, trust me.

But when you’re done, get up, and go out.

Color me Midnight.

My roommate and I make observations about Midnight every so often. Usually we create silly situations and make inferences about the dogs only for our own amusement – there is little else in our lives apart from the love of dog (well, we are luckier than most people I’d say 😉 )
 
 
Anyway, the other day she said something so profound about Little Miss Midnight, that I had to share it with the world (or the few people that read the nonsense I write 😉 ) This was it: Midnight acknowledges everything. And now you’re thinking – where is the Eureka moment in that, girl ? Let me explain:
 
 
Think about one person you’re extremely fond of – your best friend, your spouse, your mom, whoever. What makes you like them so much ? One of the key things is that they’re attentive. They respond. The acknowledge your every thought, your every move, your every action and your every emotion. This is exactly what Little Miss Midnight does.
 
 
Her tail wags every time one of us says something and it needn’t even be addressed to her. Her tail is perpetually wagging. She is happy to be around her human. She loves to be spoken to. She loves to be hugged and kissed.
 
 
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You don’t have to try too hard with her. You can just be you. And Midnight will love you anyway. It’s just how she is – affectionate, and amazing. She is responsive. She acknowledges everything. She is responsive to treats and to toys.To her humans and her foster brother.
 
 
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When I call her name, she drops whatever she is doing and comes running to me to see what all the ‘madness’ is all about. Who wouldn’t want such a companion? How many people can honestly say that they have someone like this in their lives? One who drops everything, and comes to them, smiling, open, ready and accepting.
 
 
Little Miss Midnight is just that – responsive, loving, sweet, affectionate and also adoptable 🙂 Reach out to me if you need this happy little girl to make your life even happier and more complete. Or email cauzicanfl@gmail.com
 
 
 
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The Deep Red Henna Tattoo

It was my first day back at work after my wedding. I’d taken a decent time off what with the crazy preparations, long overdrawn rituals and well deserved honeymoon in Italy. It had been a month almost. I had no idea what state I’d left my projects in. Usually I’d write down stuff for the sad sad day that I return from vacation, but hey, this was my first wedding (and hopefully the only one) and hence my longest ever vacation.

I didn’t want to ride my bike to work because we all know how riddled with potholes our roads are in June. So, careful not to pick anything white, I got dressed and made some tea. He got dressed too and hugged me before we sat down to tea and breakfast. Soon it was time to go. I walked him to the bus stop, smiled goodbye and hailed a rickshaw. Damn it, I forgot my scarf again. I thought about him and how much I did not know him. And how much he did not know me. And how yet, we’d decided to spend our lives together. I wasn’t in love with him yet, but I would be. Right ? My heart still belonged to my college love. But he wasn’t what fate had in store for me. He went overseas to study. I stayed back. And soon there was a wedding.

The rickshaw lurched and stalled. Yep, pothole. But this is India. People love people. So there were five men helping to push the rickshaw out to freedom and soon we were on our way. The driver looked in the rear view mirror and gave me a helpless smile. We stopped at a red light. A barely dressed woman with an unconscious child came up to me and begged for change. She was persistent. I gave her some. And then they all came. There was a stray dog amongst them too. The light turned green. We moved. This must be a good driver to wait at a red light.

Half a rollercoaster ride later we jolted to a stop. I looked at the meter, did a quick conversion in my head and paid the driver. “No change madam”.

I looked up at the tall twin skyscrapers. My first workplace since college. And probably my one and only. I was a campus recruit. Speaking of those, four very happy people came waltzing toward me. We hugged. Laughed. My friends from college. Also still here. Just like me. They were happy  to see me, and me them. I found solace in familiarity.

I spent the day struggling to put together the pieces of code I’d left in the haste of my wedding, catching up with colleagues and sharing wedding sweets with them. I showed them pictures of our trip. Tomorrow I would tell them of how I got sick eating strange foreign food.

I reached home before him and started dinner. I picked out a movie we’d watch. I heard him enter the house and brought him a glass of water. We hugged and shared stories of the day. We’d be good friends soon I thought. Right ?

Who knows? This did not happen. Today’s daily prompt asks this:

Pinpoint a moment in your past where you had to make a big decision. Write about that other alternate life that could have unfolded.

This was a day in the life of the parallel universe that exists in the dimension of the alternate choice.

I did not stay back 🙂