Midnight is adopted! I am beyond happy for my little girl!(Yes, I still say “my” little girl).
Many foster parents term this event “bittersweet” and they are right. Her absence hurts so much at times, that I feel physical pain. It’s happened a couple of times and a few say that that’s a sign that this is it – the home she’s been waiting for. The first time it happened, was while she was still with me. It was the Friday before I was to drop her off for her trial. It happened on my bedroom floor. Kahlua had an unlimited supply of paws and hugs ready. He has seen this before. Me at my weakest. Midnight wasn’t sure what’s going on. She sat on my bed and kept tilting her head. And just like that, she made me smile. Everyday for the 8 months that she was my baby girl, she made me smile. She was spunky, affectionate and crazy. In Nandu’s words I’m sure she heard voices!
There were some things I wanted to tell her on the day she came home to me:
It is okay now. The worst is over. You are safe.
That large black dog there? The one who looks like someone looked at you through a magnifying glass? He is your new brother for as long as you need him to be. I am your new mother, for as long as you need me to be. You can be a puppy now.
You are unwell, but won’t be for long. Don’t let that diminish your spirit. The worries are for me to take on.
This is home. You will never go hungry again. You will never feel cold and unwanted.
You will be loved, trained and taught manners. You will go to day care and make friends. You will come back, and sleep worry free like you’re supposed to.
There will come a day that I leave you in an unknown home and you might wonder why. But soon, you will realize that these are your people, your family. In time, I hope you forget me. I will never forget you. Just please don’t think I abandoned you.
There are some things that I want to tell her now that she is gone:
I love you. With all my heart and with everything I have.
You always always have a home with me, but I hope you never need it. I hope your new life brings you so much happiness that you never need to come back.
I wish that I could call you and ask you if you’re happy. But my heart says you are. So it is ok. And there are signs. Signs from your new family that they love you.
A part of me will forever be your mom. And you, my Mini.